about
Beautiful Adieu
[byoo·tuh·fl uh·dyoo]
To the many versions of ‘me’ that have come and gone:
This is my journey of becoming.
the many hats i wear
Fashion portrait photographer, animal communicator, Reiki Master, accredited coach,
NLP Master Practitioner, psychospiritual teacher & guide, Human Design enthusiast,
art supplies hoarder, a funny human, mom to the cutest cat Effie, and so on.
if you’re new here, hello.
My name is AMANDA.
I can tell you that I have a Gemini sun, with Cancer rising and Sagittarius moon in my natal chart; that I’m a 2/4 emotional projector, an enneagram type 1, an INFP (my MBTI changes every other year), and every other label you can think of (refer to the many hats I wear above).
Well yes, I am all those, and yet I am not.
nyc, 2016
baby manda in new zealand, 2016
Let me tell you the story of how this all came to be, about 8 years ago.
Some of you may know me from the good ol’ days when I used to be an active content creator on Instagram. I was also a fashion portrait photographer for 15 years, and always shared my travels and captures on my blog and Instagram. I really loved that creative life, until I got burnt out.
I was exhausted from the stress that I was putting myself through, and being involved in the hustle just wasn’t in my nature. When the busy season finally came to an end, I sat in my office and cried uncontrollably, releasing all my pent up emotions.
That was in the last month of 2016, and shortly after, a series of events bulldozed through my life. Everything changed after that.
An intimate peek into my hermit life:
My mom suddenly suffered two brain aneurysms and passed away the following year, and I was deeply thrown off course. I got married, took a backseat from work and lived an aimless and soulless life. I was drinking and shopping every other day as a way to cope with the emptiness within. On the outside, everyone thought I had it all together, but on the inside, parts of who I was were slowly being overlaid with layers upon layers of who I wasn’t, to cover up the pain I was going through.
This went on for the next 3 years until one day, I decided that enough was enough. I was tired of the way I was blowing up over the smallest things and creating friction in my relationships. Frankly, so was everyone else. I sought help from therapy, and other forms of metaphysical guidance. Through miraculous Divine will, I followed one breadcrumb after another as I stumbled into my Saturn Return and first spiritual awakening that concluded in an agonizing decision to end my marriage.
Before then, I thought I was doomed to my genetic inheritance and the person that I was. Nobody told me that change was possible, and my experience with change when I was growing up also proved to be difficult and unsustainable. No matter what I tried, I would always find myself going back to the same old habits, the same old me. Nothing worked, till I started diving deep into my inner work.
For about two whole years I was constantly learning, journaling, processing, crying, and shedding the layers that didn’t belong to me. I was no longer using superficial solutions to cover up the deep wounds I had within. Navigating change became second nature, and I was loving it so much that it was all I could ever talk about with my inner circle. Eventually, I co-founded wander + bloom with a friend, and it is now one of the platforms that I use to guide others in their psycho-spiritual inner work and breakthroughs.
quiet confidence, 2023
As I evolved into a totally different version of my previous online personality, I started to become even more private about my life and what I was up to. I was afraid that displays of my new attitude on social media would prompt others to pry into my life and deem me unworthy of such drastic change, having led such a materialistic life before this. In truth, I was the one judging myself. I was the one telling myself that I was not good enough. It’s a story I’ve struggled with my entire life.
The fear of being judged seemed very real to me, even though it was all in my head. With a lot of egging, I finally took baby steps out of the spiritual closet and started to share my thoughts and learnings online. Immediately, I saw that my fear was only False Evidence Appearing Real. The real evidence I found instead, was in receiving countless messages telling me how helpful and timely my sharings were. That greatly encouraged me and allowed me to bravely open and share my heart.
Since then, I’ve come to embrace vulnerability as a way to know my inner strength. It is through this that I continue to find the courage to be radically authentic, starting with myself. That’s a huge step for me because all my life, I’ve always been so afraid of what others would think about me. I was always curating an idealised version of myself that I just couldn’t keep up with. Now, I’ll bravely admit: I still don’t know where I’m ultimately headed. And you know what? That is absolutely okay. I know that I can finally relax being me.
This website and blog serves as an ongoing discovery of who I am, and what I’m here to do in this life. I know that I don’t fit into any one box, and that’s the beauty of it all. I get to be whoever I want to, whenever I want to, and I’m so excited for it all. So who am I? I am becoming. Thank you for joining me on this soulful journey through the different seasons of my life. May we find love and joy in every step we take.
All my love,
Amanda
my personal vision:
To live a life of BEAUTY and HARMONY
in this season of life
you can also find me at
The joy and light of my life. My beloved Norwegian Forest ginger companion, Effie.